I'm rolling on the floor

americans love doxxing their home states more than anything. we hear the name of our home state and everything goes black and we wake up 10 minutes later, having reblogged no fewer than 8 posts featuring the name of our home state

measure once cut also once, no prablem

how it feels when someone says “can i be tmi really quick”

aliens in a star trek/space type setting that are giant insect people or something equally non-human, use neutral pronouns and aren't particularly sexually dimorphic - until you meet one that goes by she/her. she looks exactly like all the others but she has a little bow glued to her carapace, minnie mouse style

upon questioning, her species doesn't have a concept of gender but when she met humans she decided to be a woman. "it just seemed like fun!"

“average person eats 3 spiders a year” factoid actualy just statistical error. average person eats 0 spiders per year. Spiders Georg, who lives in cave & eats over 10,000 each day, is an outlier adn should not have been counted

usually when you have a stomach bug your body is like yes sir we'll get this punk out of here, 48 hours tops. then you get a cold and your body is like I dunno ... between a few hours and eleven months ... maybe a week minimum .... you gotta understand we're short staffed

living in one of those free use public sex kinda hentai but no one wants to have sex with me so i mostly just stay home and post. i look outside and sigh wistfully at the sight of a woman getting eaten out so hard she somehow cums twice in one moment and then close my blinds so i can focus on cookie clicker

ALT

Oh my god the fucking Onion

oh what the hell, add another basil leaf! i’m not driving